New Job Gifts Calendars
Fresh start. New badge. Same existential dread but in a different building. Find the perfect calendars to mark the moment.
Why Calendars for New Job Gifts
Regular calendars show you inspirational quotes about believing in yourself. Our calendars show you the truth: that every day is another opportunity to question your life choices. A daily tear-off page of dark humor gives you something to look forward to each morning besides coffee. It's like a daily affirmation, but honest.
Starting a new job is equal parts exciting and terrifying. They've got new names to remember, a new coffee machine to figure out, and approximately 47 logins to set up. While everyone else is giving them generic 'good luck!' vibes, you can give them something that acknowledges the beautiful disaster of week one. Because nothing says 'I believe in you' like a gift that also says 'this is going to be chaos.'
What You Get
- +365 daily pages of workplace-appropriate(ish) dark humor
- +Sturdy cardboard backing that stands on its own
- +Perforated pages for satisfying daily tears
- +Compact desktop size that fits any workspace
Gift Ideas
- +A survival kit for corporate onboarding
- +A notebook labeled 'Things No One Will Tell Me'
- +Premium snacks for inevitable desk lunches
- +A 'New Job Who Dis' coffee mug
- +A tiny plant that's hard to kill (like them)
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Get First Access
Get the inside scoop on gifts that make first weeks slightly less awkward. Next year's calendar is in the works. Get on the list to be first in line for 365 days of relatable misery.
Perfect For
- The friend starting fresh somewhere new
- The recent grad entering the workforce
- The career changer brave enough to pivot
- Anyone escaping a toxic workplace
- Desks that need daily entertainment
- People who've given up on inspirational quotes
- Teams who share a dark sense of humor
- White elephant gifts that people actually want
Frequently Asked Questions
- When should I give a new job gift?
- Before their first day or during week one. After that, the 'new job' energy fades and it gets weird. Strike while the anxiety is fresh.
- What's a good new job gift under $25?
- Anything that makes their desk feel less sterile or gets them through afternoon slumps. Think: quality snacks, a funny mug, or a desk toy that won't get them fired.
- What year is the calendar for?
- Current year calendars ship immediately. We drop next year's edition in Q4. Sign up for the email list to get notified.
- Is every day different?
- Yes. 365 unique pages of dark humor, sarcastic observations, and workplace truths. No repeats, just like your recurring sense of dread.