New Job Gifts Calendars for Security Guards
Fresh start. New badge. Same existential dread but in a different building. The perfect calendars for the security guards in your life.
Why Calendars for Security Guards
Security work is vigilance punctuated by chaos. You're essential but often invisible until something goes wrong.
Regular calendars show you inspirational quotes about believing in yourself. Our calendars show you the truth: that every day is another opportunity to question your life choices. A daily tear-off page of dark humor gives you something to look forward to each morning besides coffee. It's like a daily affirmation, but honest.
About New Job Gifts
Starting a new job is equal parts exciting and terrifying. They've got new names to remember, a new coffee machine to figure out, and approximately 47 logins to set up. While everyone else is giving them generic 'good luck!' vibes, you can give them something that acknowledges the beautiful disaster of week one. Because nothing says 'I believe in you' like a gift that also says 'this is going to be chaos.'
What You Get
- +365 daily pages of workplace-appropriate(ish) dark humor
- +Sturdy cardboard backing that stands on its own
- +Perforated pages for satisfying daily tears
- +Compact desktop size that fits any workspace
Gift Ideas
- +A survival kit for corporate onboarding
- +A notebook labeled 'Things No One Will Tell Me'
- +Premium snacks for inevitable desk lunches
- +A 'New Job Who Dis' coffee mug
- +A tiny plant that's hard to kill (like them)
Perfect For
- The friend starting fresh somewhere new
- The recent grad entering the workforce
- Desks that need daily entertainment
- People who've given up on inspirational quotes
- Work bags with personality
- Water bottles on post
Get First Access
Security guard stickers coming soon. Get on the list.
Related Professions
Other Occasions for Security Guards
Frequently Asked Questions
- When should I give a new job gift?
- Before their first day or during week one. After that, the 'new job' energy fades and it gets weird. Strike while the anxiety is fresh.
- What's a good new job gift under $25?
- Anything that makes their desk feel less sterile or gets them through afternoon slumps. Think: quality snacks, a funny mug, or a desk toy that won't get them fired.
- What year is the calendar for?
- Current year calendars ship immediately. We drop next year's edition in Q4. Sign up for the email list to get notified.
- Are these about long shifts?
- Some are. The boredom-to-chaos ratio is real.